so i'm officially back from my trip to East Asia. it was so revealing and enlightening. I'm glad I went. the students i got to lead are truly beloved. The people I got to meet who give their lives to serving God in a Communist country are truly my heroes. I think that traveling out of the country is beyond words invaluable. Seeing how the other side of the world lives, what they live for and what makes them keep going with life are so eye-opening to what God has really done in sending his Son, the breadth and depth of the gospel's reach. It's eye-opening to see how my life really "IS" in America and how blessed we are with basic freedoms that I take for granted. I loved learning Mandarin. The little I knew, I just kept saying over and over the statements and phrases at any random opportunity. 

as i get older, i wonder if i'm growing to be more skeptical, more cynical and less trusting. It's not that there are not things i'm growing to trust, like my husband's love and care for me or my sincerity and ability to pour into students' lives. yet, there's a sinking thought in the back of my head when i watch a new tv show, read the news, hear a new band coming out with a hip new song, oh another thing? and it's like i turn off.

recently (as of about 10:30pm tonight), i'm really starting to like brooke fraser. mostly her hillsong stuff.. and her solo albums are interesting. i first heard of her about half a year ago and it's taken me that long to come around and be open to her music. but today, I see her lyrics and really find depth to them... and maybe that's just it. I feel like I gravitate a ton more towards what's meaningful, thoughtful and ultimately true. living in los angeles has caused me to need to filter what is genuinely true about people, myself, even my relationship with God.

before i take my trip to san francisco in a couple weeks, i think i'll download her albums so i can ipod her tunes all the way up to san francisco.

the hillsong concert was like a flashback to what life was like what seems like eons ago. i found so much joy in getting hyper over the fun things and in all honesty, i do think they were the right things. being a head-banger and sugar-highed kid in high school to laughing and dancing all over the place at concerts, late nights after large group meetings in college. all these things now seem a distant memory because God has brought a new season and new winds of change. good change, i trust!

nowadays, it takes me less time to realize how naive i'm being which makes me less naive. this makes me happy.

los angeles is its own animal and the Lord has brought me here. I am here because of Him. I am made more complete through this season of the endless driving and endless amounts of freeways, starting over in community, seeing abundant fruit in ministry...because of Him. Goodness, when did life start developing in richer shades of color with a wider spectrum of gray? perhaps it's always been that way.

all in all, as i get older i find (and this is really what i observe in others and know that this is how it should be) that i am more content to just be me. foibles and fun and all. i chuckle at myself more these days... and with a secret satisfaction of knowing that God just knew me already and knows it all. yes, i could interpret my perception of life as more cynical or skeptical, but it is really not about that. i am more confident in what is true and i am in greater pursuit of what is true, and it feels good. countercultural, but very good.

i'm off for tonight. yay for one more day off before wrapping up the spring semester with the wonderful, beloved USC students. :)